Wolfsbane and the Like

The night was cold, the cold wind blew
Around the chimney, and down the flue
Into a room so deathly still
That nothing moved to disturb the chill

Upon the moor, a silver mist
Teased the bog with it's tender kiss.
It moaned in the eaves, it sniffed at the door,
It whistled through all the cracks in the floor,

It drifted with tendrils of the cold, cold mist
As the glowing coals in the fireplace hissed,
And it lifted the covers and ruffled the hair
Of the silent people sleeping there.

The mist rose up and began to change
To a figure dark and passing strange
That, shadowed, stood at the head of the bed
Then silently bent and tenderly fed

On the rich life's blood of his sleeping prey.
Then, sated, the vampire faded away.
Glutted and full from his night's repast
He was free to return to his rest at last.

So he changed his form into that of a bat
And flapped all the way to his home like that.
He felt strangely heavy, it began to rain,
And his stomach developed a nauseous pain.

By the time he got home he was dreadfully sick
With fever and aches that cut to the quick
Like a knife (or a stake), but he just couldn't see
What had caused this effect.  It just couldn't be,

For he was immortal, the Living Undead!
How could he have gotten this pain in his head?
He crawled to his coffin and tucked himself in,
And hauled up the covers to cover his chin.

He lowered the lid and felt very pleased
To be able to sleep, but just then he sneezed!
He sneezed off and on throughout the whole day,
And so managed no sleep for his Immortal Clay.

He opened the lid with the coming of night
And decided that he should step out for a bite.
He rose to the lure of the full moon's arrival,
But discovered this lessened his chance of survival

For e'en as he stared at the full moon's cowl
From out of his throat there issued a howl!
From ~his~ furry throat? Were these ~his~ furry paws?
And this howling erupted from ~his~ furry jaws?

A snarl contorted the skin of his face,
And he ran around and tore up the whole place,
And with with every breath he continued to sneeze
With every whimsical change of the breeze.

He broke through the window in all his confusion
Sustaining only some minor contusions.
He fell in the garden face down in the mud
And plowed to a halt with his nose full of blood

At the foot of a plant that just had to be new
For nothing had grown where this silly thing grew.
Set recently out by the gardener, no doubt.
It had wilted and dropped all its leaves 'round about,

And on them he slid 'till it stopped him quite dead
As he banged into it with the side of his head.
He slashed at its roots, he dug with his paws,
And he tugged, and he pulled at the thing with his jaws.

"I shouldn't have done that," he said with a whisper,
And agreed with himself as he felt his mouth blister.
He spat out the leaves and howled at the pain,
And he winced as he spoke to himself once again.

"A Werewolf should never bite wolfsbane," he said,
"All that is gets him is pain in his head!"
"But I'm not a Werewolf, I'm a Vampire!" he said,
"I'm one of the Mighty! Immortal! Undead!"

But the only sound he could make was a growl,
And he threw back his head and he started to howl
As he gazed at the moon with his gold, eerie stare
While the cold wind blew through his gray wolf hair.

Then he ran through the night, and he bayed at the moon,
And he harked to the unearthly cry of the loon
As he ran through the moor and he ran through the bog
To lose himself in the mist and the fog.

Then he slid to a halt in delighted surprise
At the form that appeared right in front of his eyes.
A huge she-wolf stood there (how lovely... how chic)
How silky (her fur), how fragrant, how sleek.

She set his heart racing, she panted his breath.
He knew in his heart he would love her to death!
"Come hither, my pretty," his low growl sounded.
"I think that I love you," his heart fairly pounded.

"Do I know you, Sirrah?" she coyly stated.
He threw himself down at her feet and just waited.
She sniffed at his nose, she whuffed at his tail,
She licked at his lips and then started to wail

In anguish so grim that she surely was puzzled.
The Vampire shocked, in fact was bumfuzzled.
"What possibly can be the problem, my dear?
I assure you that you have nothing to fear!"

She gave a great sigh and wriggled her toes,
Then yawned, and sneezed, and wrinkled her nose.
"On the contrary, Sirrah, I know I'm much thinner,
Since I was the main course last night for your dinner!"

She sneezed once again, and then sneezed once more.
She sneezed 'til her nose was decidedly sore.
"Where have you been rolling?  What have you been in?
I could swear I smell wolfsbane all over your chin!

I can't stand the smell, and I'm telling you true,
I'm allergic to wolfsbane! I'm allergic to you!"
So, he rolled in the grass to get rid of the smell,
And he swam himself 'round in fen waters as well.

Then they played in the wood, and they played in the glen,
And they played din the Marsh, and they played in the fen,
And they played through the night 'til the earliest morn
gave hint of the new-rising sun to be born.

"It's time we went home," the Vampire stated,
"It's best we go now.  It's too long that we waited.
The sun mustn't catch us (it's deadly, you know)
So I think we should turn into bats and just go."

Then he stood up erect, and he furrowed his brow,
And he tried to turn into a bat... but just how?
He stretched up his arms (his legs?) overhead,
And he flapped, and he flapped, 'til he felt like the dead.

But, he couldn't remember just how it was done!
"Silly boy," said the she-wolf, "we'll just have to run.
That's what Werewolves do, we don't turn into bats,
Or anything else such as toadfrogs or rats!

We turn into people as quick as can be,
So the sun surely causes no reason to flee!"
"But we're not Werewolves, were Vampires," he said.
"We're two of the Mighty! Immortal! Undead!"

"Well... I'm not a Vampire, I'm a Werewolf," said she,
"And you've been one too, ever since you bit me!"
"It's a virus, you know, it runs in the blood.
It spreads through your system as fast as a flood.

So now you're a werewolf, and that's plain to see.
though one never can tell what else you might be."
"I'm a Vampire, I tell you, and now you're one, too,
For last night I feasted! Last night I killed you!"

"I drank all your blood to the very last drop.
I drank 'til I thought that I surely would pop!
I drank 'til my hunger was all satisfied,
I drank 'till I knew that you surely had died!

By all rights you should have remained three days dead!
How is it you're running around up here instead?"
"I always run in the full moon's light,
And this is this month's first full moon tonight!

There'll be two nights more for the moon to run full,
And on each of these nights you'll feel the moons pull.
Each night about moonrise you'll rise from your lair,
And find yourself covered with long, wolfy hair.

"You'll find yourself running about on all fours,
Unable to handle the handles on doors.
You'll develop a ravenous hunger for meat,
And find that that's almost all you can eat.

Then on each night that you find yourself free,
You'll bay at the moon and come looking for me!"
"I can't eat meat (though I'm sure it's nutritious),
But I'm sure you'll find that blood is delicious!"

"I think I can tell that we'll never agree!
But, you'll find that I'm right! Just wait and you'll see!"
"Be that as it may, you'll soon have to change,
Even though you find that our diet is strange.

"And I think it's high time that we got out of here,
I can feel that the sun in uncomfortably near.
I don't want to be up and outside of my bed
With the death-dealing sun hanging high overhead

"We'd shrivel like paper caught up in a fire,
Then turn into dust! We'd surely expire!
So, we've got to get home, and get to home now!
I've just got to remember the method (the "how")

"Of changing my form (the faster to travel),
We can't remain here with our feet in the gravel!"
"You're a Werewolf, stupid, you're swift and you're strong!
If you start to run now there's naught could go wrong!"

"I can't leave without you! You're my only desire!
You have stolen my heart! My heart feels on fire!"
"Did I hear you say that I've given you heartburn?
If that's how it is, then I surely must turn

Against you!" said she, and she turned up her nose,
And she scampered away on the tips of her toes.
"No, wait!" howled the vampire, "Don't end it like this!
At least you can give me one last wolfy kiss!"

And after he scampered and chased her flat out,
Remembering not what they'd argued about,
'Til he caught her at last, then he knew what they'd done,
As he stared in mute horror at the rising of the sun.

Then he burned to a crisp and she burned up too,
'Til nothing was left in the cold morning dew
But a tendril of smoke, so there's nothing to fear
And that's why there are no more of them here.

But...
Sometimes late at night on some whimsical breeze
You can still hear a faint ghostly Vampiricle sneeze!